DeepSummary
In this episode, the hosts discuss Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy with the model's founder, Dr. Richard Schwartz. Schwartz explains that IFS recognizes that individuals consist of multiple parts or sub-personalities, rather than just one unified identity. He guides Amanda Doyle and Abby Wambach through exercises to uncover and interact with some of their internal parts, including critic/protector parts and exiled vulnerable parts.
During Amanda's session, she explores her dissatisfaction and need for control by connecting with a part representing that drive and realizing it emerged to survive childhood circumstances, but she can now take the lead as an adult. Abby's session uncovers how her self-critic arose to try to keep her lovable as a child, allowing her to feel gratitude for its intention while recognizing she no longer needs that harsh protection.
Schwartz emphasizes that even seemingly "bad" parts had positive motivations and that connecting compassionately with all parts allows self-leadership and wholeness. The hosts reflect on how this model has transformed their family dynamics and provides a path to understanding and healing.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy proposes that each person contains multiple sub-personalities or 'parts', which can take on extreme/polarized roles like harsh critics or vulnerable exiles.
- The path to self-leadership involves compassionately re-integrating these parts under the guidance of one's core 'Self', marked by qualities like curiosity, calm, confidence, etc.
- Even parts that cause suffering had good intentions rooted in coping or survival, so they should be understood rather than suppressed.
- Practicing IFS can transform family/parenting dynamics by understanding children's behaviors through this lens of internal parts.
- While IFS exercises can yield profound insights rapidly, re-integrating parts fully requires ongoing self-acceptance and trust-building.
- Relating compassionately to one's own parts enables compassion for others' behaviors, reducing conflict and polarization.
- While traditional therapy often overlooks or pathologizes sub-personalities, IFS embraces them as valid parts of the whole self to be re-harmonized.
- The founder's long path to validating IFS suggests how radically it challenges Western psychology's individualistic premises.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “If you want to learn something new, would you rather learn it on your own from a random teacher or from folks who are the best of the best in that skill?“ by Glennon Doyle
- “I just feel so grateful, you know? Like, thank you for surviving.“ by Glennon Doyle
- “And it's been a tough sell, as you can imagine, because our culture and our field says, no, there are lots of bad ones. And in addition, when I discovered self, and it can't be damaged because I studied attachment theory in graduate school, and that theory says for you to have any of those c word qualities, you had to have gotten them from a relationship.“ by Richard Schwartz
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Episode Information
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon Doyle and Audacy
4/4/24