DeepSummary
In this episode, Dr. Becky speaks with a mother named Carmella, who is struggling with her co-parent's different parenting style. Carmella finds it challenging to hold boundaries with her children when her husband is around, as he often allows for more flexibility and inconsistency. This creates a dynamic where the children seem to prefer her husband over her, and Carmella feels left to deal with the emotional aftermath of the inconsistency.
Dr. Becky helps Carmella identify the root issue, which is not necessarily the different parenting styles themselves, but rather the emotional labor that falls on Carmella when her husband introduces inconsistencies. She suggests having an open conversation with her husband, acknowledging the value in both styles while expressing the need for a more complementary approach.
Dr. Becky offers strategies for Carmella and her husband to practice each other's roles, allowing them to build the muscles needed for both boundaries and flexibility. She emphasizes the importance of finding a balance and avoiding extremes, as well as having a plan for specific areas where they will maintain consistency or allow for more flexibility.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Different parenting styles within a co-parenting dynamic can create challenges, but the root issue may lie in the distribution of emotional labor rather than the styles themselves.
- Open communication and acknowledging the value in both styles can help co-parents find a more complementary approach.
- Practicing each other's roles can help co-parents build the muscles needed for both boundaries and flexibility, ultimately leading to a more balanced approach.
- Finding specific areas where consistency or flexibility will be prioritized can help co-parents establish a plan and avoid extremes.
- Recognizing the universality of parenting struggles and feeling understood can help alleviate shame and promote a sense of empowerment.
- Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of expressing oneself effectively and finding constructive ways to address challenges within a co-parenting relationship.
- Maintaining self-awareness and avoiding the tendency to overcompensate in reaction to a co-parent's approach can help maintain a more balanced perspective.
- Embracing both boundaries and flexibility, rather than adopting extremes, can create a healthier dynamic for children and co-parents.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “The truth is, and I think you can own this, like, I would actually like to hold closer to 20% of the fun and the looseness. I really would. And. And you can almost say, like, and you're hogging it. And you're hogging it. And, like, that's, you know, I want some.“ by Doctor Becky
- “Okay? So here's what I would do. I would say this to her husband. I would say, you could put it on me. Could be like, I don't know if you know, this clinical psychologist. Like, you know, she said this idea and I thought we could do it. Okay? So we're going to do an exercise. We're going to pick either ten minutes or one moment of the day, and we're going to swap roles, okay?“ by Doctor Becky
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Episode Information
Good Inside with Dr. Becky
Dr. Becky Kennedy
3/5/24