DeepSummary
The podcast features an interview with Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and author, who discusses the importance of developing secure attachments between parents and children. He explains how children have historically been oriented towards their parents, but in modern society, they are increasingly oriented towards their peers, which can lead to behavioral issues and other problems.
Maté emphasizes the need for parents to be present and nurture their attachment with their children, even when the children are in childcare or school. He suggests ways to maintain this attachment, such as welcoming the child's dependence, giving them something to hold onto, and being attuned to their needs.
The discussion also covers the impact of technology and digital media on children's development and attachment. Maté advises against exposing young children to screens and suggests ways for parents to be present and engaged with their children instead of being distracted by technology.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Children are biologically programmed to form attachments, and in modern society, they often form these attachments with their peers instead of their parents, which can lead to behavioral issues and other problems.
- Parents need to prioritize their attachment with their children over peer relationships, even when their children are in childcare or school.
- Strategies for nurturing attachment include welcoming the child's dependence, giving them something to hold onto, and being attuned to their needs.
- Technology and digital media can undermine the parent-child attachment, and parents should be cautious about exposing young children to screens.
- Parents should trust their instincts when it comes to nurturing their attachment with their children, rather than relying on parenting advice that contradicts these instincts.
- Secure attachment with parents is the foundation for healthy child development, including socialization and individuation.
- Children's behavior that is often labeled as problematic may stem from a lack of secure attachment with their parents.
- The COVID-19 pandemic highlighted the importance of parent-child attachment for some families, while exacerbating attachment issues in others.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “We've seen this over and over again. But unfortunately, the tendency in our society is to pathologize children's behavior rather than to see its sources and its remedies in the attachment relationship.“ by Gabor Mate
- “If you're not attuned, or if you bring your own needs to bear that you need to connect with the child to dominate, then you're not going to honor their experience.“ by Gabor Mate
- “So much of the parenting advice people get actually separates them from their instincts, so that when parents say to us, thank you, your book validated my instincts. And now I can tell my friends who are telling me to use separation and timeout and I can tell them, you know what? Here are these experts telling me that my instincts are right? No, you shouldn't need experts to tell you that your instincts are right.“ by Gabor Mate
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Episode Information
Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
JLML Press
3/26/24
Physician and author Gabor Maté joins Janet to discuss the importance of developing secure attachments with our kids and why it's crucial for us to continue nurturing these bonds into their adulthood. How do we remain our children's most trusted influences while also encouraging their natural drive toward individuation? Can we maintain our role as a primary attachment figure when our child is cared for by others? How do we help kids to develop healthy relationships with peers? What's the best way to handle exposure to digital media? Gabor addresses these questions among many others and offers suggestions for maintaining positive attachments throughout our kids’ lives.
Gabor is the author of 5 books and most recently the re-issued Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, co-authored with Gordon Neufeld, with a new chapter about how the Covid pandemic affected kids' relationships with peers and parents.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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