DeepSummary
The episode begins with a message from Smokey Bear about wildfire safety. Then, Anna Martin introduces the guest, author and advice columnist John Paul Brammer, who shares his experience of answering people's questions about love and relationships through his 'Hola Papi' column. John Paul discusses the variety of questions he received, from simple queries about finding friends or a partner to more serious concerns related to homosexuality being illegal in certain countries.
John Paul reads an essay called 'Young, Gay and Single Among the Nuns and Widows' by Kevin Hershey, which recounts Hershey's experience of living with his grandmother during her final weeks as she chose to stop eating. Despite their closeness, Hershey never told his grandmother he was gay, just as his partner Mateen hasn't told his own grandmother due to the potential risks in his home country.
In the second half, John Paul reflects on his own decision not to come out to his grandmother, even though he believes she wouldn't have objected. He emphasizes that love can take different forms across cultures and families, and that not disclosing certain aspects of one's identity doesn't necessarily diminish the love shared with grandparents who may have known truer versions of their grandchildren.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Love and relationships can take diverse forms across different cultures and families.
- Choosing not to disclose certain aspects of one's identity to loved ones does not necessarily diminish the love shared.
- Coming out to family members is a personal decision influenced by cultural contexts and potential risks.
- Grandparents may know truer, more nuanced versions of their grandchildren than others.
- Providing relationship advice requires empathy, drawing from personal experiences and informal mentors.
- Opening up to partners about vulnerable experiences can deepen connections.
- Both simple and complex relationship issues arise in the LGBTQ+ community.
- The subtleties of everyday interactions with loved ones can be deeply meaningful.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “I don't want to try to pass myself off as a therapist or an expert, but I kind of drew on my own background of, okay, well, who were the people who gave me advice when I was first coming into the gay community? I'd just come out, I was getting the lay of the land, who were my mentors? And, you know, it was really informal in Oklahoma. They were just guys at the gay bars that I met, and there were, like, old queens there who would kind of take me under their wing and be like, here's how we do things. Here's the kind of guys to look out for. And I thought, okay, I can do that. I can be an informal mentor figure that you meet at a bar.“ by Kevin Hershey
- “Many straight people can't imagine hiding a core part of their identity from their loved ones. And some gay people would surely consider Mateen and me to be cowards for not being honest with our grandmothers, for not trusting them with the knowledge of our true selves and say, it isn't real love if you're keeping such a major part of yourself hidden, my only response is that love is complicated and diverse.“ by Kevin Hershey
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Episode Information
Modern Love
The New York Times
5/8/24