DeepSummary
In this episode, Matt Abrahams interviews Julia Minson, an associate professor at Harvard Kennedy School and Stanford Psychology PhD graduate, about her research on decision making, conflict negotiation, and the psychology of disagreement. Minson explains the distinction between disagreement and conflict, emphasizing that disagreement involves differing perspectives, while conflict arises from making negative attributions about the other person.
Minson shares strategies for disagreeing better, such as expressing curiosity about the other person's perspective, using the "HEAR" framework (Hedging, Emphasizing Agreement, Acknowledging, and Reframing), and questioning why a reasonable person might hold that view. She stresses the importance of acting curious, rather than just thinking one is curious.
When it comes to managing conflict, Minson advises choosing one's battles wisely and engaging in difficult conversations in a controlled manner. She also emphasizes the need to understand the source of the other person's perspective and maintain an open mindset throughout the dialogue.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Understand the distinction between disagreement (differing perspectives) and conflict (negative attributions about the other person).
- Express curiosity and act curious about the other person's perspective to disagree better.
- Use the "HEAR" framework (Hedging, Emphasizing Agreement, Acknowledging, Reframing) to maintain a constructive dialogue during disagreements.
- Try to understand why a reasonable person might hold the opposing view.
- Choose your battles wisely and engage in difficult conversations in a controlled manner when managing conflicts.
- Maintain an open mindset and avoid making negative attributions about the other person's motives or character.
- Conflicts often arise when there is a strong emotional investment or close relationship with the other party.
- Practicing effective disagreement and conflict management strategies is challenging, even for experts, but essential for productive communication.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “Disagreement is, I think we should do this and you think we should do that, and we have a conversation about it, and I hear your views, and you hear my views, and we might reach consensus or we might walk away disagreeing. But nobody has any particularly strong feelings about conflict, by contrast, has two components.“ by Julia Minson
- “And the entire time, the question you should be asking yourself is, why would a smart, reasonable, sensible person hold the opinions that my counterpart does?“ by Julia Minson
- “I think the extra pressure doesn't come from studying conflict and disagreement. I think it just comes from having a busy career. As I mentioned, I'm married. I have three daughters. I also have my 94 year old grandmother living with us. So it is just a very busy household.“ by Julia Minson
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Episode Information
Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques
Stanford GSB
4/2/24
Disagreement and conflict may look the same on the surface, but the two concepts are, in fact, very different. According to Julia Minson, knowing how these notions differ is crucial to how you approach them.
In this episode of Think Fast Talk Smart, Minson and strategic communication lecturer Matt Abrahams delve into the intricacies of conflict and disagreement. Minson, an associate professor of public policy at the Harvard Kennedy School and Stanford University alumna, also shares her expertise on decision-making and conflict negotiation. Minson emphasizes the need for genuine curiosity and receptiveness in communication to foster productive dialogue.
Think Fast, Talk Smart is a podcast produced by Stanford Graduate School of Business. Each episode provides concrete, easy-to-implement tools and techniques to help you hone and enhance your communication skills.
Episode Reference Links:
- Julia Minson: Website
- Underestimating Counterparts’ Learning Goals Impairs Conflictual Conversations (Julia’s study about people’s goals when talking to those they disagree with)
- To have better disagreements, change your words (Article by Julia about HEAR)
- Ep.30 - Dissolve Disagreements: How Communication Impacts Conflict: Website / YouTube
- Ep.72 - Quick Thinks: Talk it Out - How to Successfully Negotiate and Resolve Conflict: Website / YouTube
Connect:
- Email Questions & Feedback >>> thinkfast@stanford.edu
- Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website
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- Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn Page, Instagram, YouTube
- Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn
- Stanford GSB >>> LinkedIn & Twitter
Chapters:
(00:00:00) Introduction
Matt introduces guest Julia Minson, who is an expert in decision-making, conflict negotiation, and the psychology of disagreement.
(00:00:54) Journey into Conflict and Disagreement Research
Julia gives insight into her background and what led her to research disagreement and conflict.
(00:01:55) Distinguishing Between Disagreement and Conflict
The difference between disagreement and conflict, and why understanding this distinction is crucial for effective communication.
(00:04:12) Strategies for Disagreeing Better
Practical advice on how to disagree constructively without escalating to conflict, focusing on expressing and acting with curiosity.
(00:07:05) Demonstrating Curiosity and Conversational Receptiveness
Tactics for showing curiosity and conversational receptiveness, including using the HEAR acronym to maintain constructive dialogues.
(00:14:38) Managing Conflict
Managing and navigating conflict, emphasizing emotional readiness and the importance of choosing battles wisely.
(00:18:25) The Final Three Questions
Julia shares personal experiences with conflict and disagreement, a communicator she admires, and her recipe for successful communication.
(00:22:48) Conclusion
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