DeepSummary
Mark Manson recounts his recent trip to Mexico City, where he enjoyed the food, got robbed in a seemingly well-coordinated pickpocket scheme, and observed how travel can build intimacy between friends by experiencing shared foreign environments together. He then transitions to discussing the challenges of maintaining adult friendships, citing research on the key factors like proximity, frequency, duration, and emotional intensity.
As people get older, evolving interests, priorities, careers, relationships, and financial situations narrow the pool of potential friends they can connect with. Making new friends requires aggressively pursuing hobbies and interests in person, joining various social groups liberally, and following up to coordinate future meetups. Manson admits struggling with this himself, as adult friendships require more intentional effort compared to the utopia-like social environment of college.
Manson and his co-host Drew discuss additional complexities like needing both partners in a couple to gel with potential couple friends, changing dynamics when friends have kids, and how modern workplace trends like frequent job changes and remote work complicate friend-making. They emphasize being generous with time, maintaining an open attitude as friendships evolve over decades, and focusing less on activities/interests and more on shared values.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Pursuing hobbies and interests aggressively in person is key to making new friends as an adult
- Joining social groups liberally and following up consistently are effective friend-making tactics
- Be open-minded as friendships naturally evolve and change over decades
- Prioritize shared values over superficial interests when building deeper connections
- Getting married often requires both partners to "approve" of potential couple friends
- Having kids adds further complexity to managing and balancing adult friendships
- Remote work and frequent job changes disrupt the proximity/consistency for friendships
- Approach difficulties as "lifestyle taxes" that come with chosen experiences
Top Episodes Quotes
- “Ultimately, it's. There are a lot of people out there struggling with simply making and maintaining adult friendships. And so today, what I'd like to do is get into what makes an adult friendship. How is it different than, say, adolescent or young adult friendships? Why is it so much harder? And then what are some practical things that we can do to get better at it?“ by Mark Manson
- “I think one thing that happens when you get married, I think it happens a little bit in a committed relationship, but it really seems to kick in when you get married, which is it's no longer just about finding one person that you get along with. You need to find a couple that you get along with, and that is exponentially more difficult, because now both of you need to sign off on two people instead of one person signing off on one person.“ by Mark Manson
- “I'll leave you with the wisdom of old man Bernie and my dad, he said, if you want a friend, be a friend.“ by Drew
Entities
Person
Company
Product
Book
Episode Information
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast
Mark Manson
4/3/24
Making friends is hard, and unfortunately, as you get older, it gets harder.
In this episode, we look at research behind friendships, plus the complicating factors people experience in making new friends as they get older.
And for anyone struggling with their social lives, we share practical tips on how to meet and keep new friends.
Enjoy and, good luck out there.