DeepSummary
Alexis Fernandez starts the episode by reading out listeners' submissions of their 'icks' or pet peeves about potential romantic partners. The submissions range from hygiene issues to personality traits that act as turn-offs. She then addresses two listener questions about navigating difficult relationship situations.
The first question is from a woman in her 20s in a long-distance relationship where her boyfriend has lied and messaged other women behind her back multiple times. Alexis advises assessing if they have compatible values and if he is truly willing to change, otherwise it may be healthier to leave the relationship.
The second question is from a woman whose boyfriend of 3 years blindsided her by suddenly ending their relationship, citing her 'negativity' and his desire for children despite her infertility as reasons. Alexis empathizes with the pain of being unexpectedly left by someone considered the 'love of your life' and encourages her to be kind to herself through the grieving process.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Differing perspectives on appropriate relationship boundaries like pornography use or messaging others can signify incompatibility if not aligned.
- Being blindsided by a breakup often means the end was a long time coming for the other person, making prior interventions futile.
- Recognize when a relationship dynamic is fundamentally imbalanced in care, respect and goals rather than fixating on changing the other person.
- After a painful breakup, focus on self-compassion rather than self-blame as you grieve and rebuild.
- Personal growth after heartbreak can transform someone into an inspiring story of overcoming adversity.
- Issues like infertility or differing stances on having children are often irreconcilable dealbreakers in a relationship.
- Trust is integral to a healthy relationship; if irreparably broken, it may be wiser to end things than remain in an insecure dynamic.
- Long distance can strain a relationship and potentially mask communication breakdowns if not properly navigated.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “If I didn't trust someone, I wouldn't want to be in that relationship because it would feel like I've got demons in my head all the time. Saying, like, this person's untrustworthy. Like that's, that's like you're in a prison in your own head.“ by Alexis Fernandez
- “If someone doesn't want to be with you, they're not the love of your life. The love of your life is two people doing life together successfully.“ by Alexis Fernandez
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Episode Information
Do You F*cking Mind?
LiSTNR
5/1/24
First up I’m going through your ICKS – you loved when I did it in episode 322 so thought I’d pick more of your hilarious icks to read out.
And then I get into Head Noise where I answer your questions – this week it’s all about heartbreak in long term relationships.
- How do you handle a relationship when your mind is telling you to run but your heart says otherwise? Me and my boyfriend are in our 20s and have been dating for a few years long distance. Early on there was some lying and deception and we broke up, but I gave him a second chance as I thought he needed time to adjust from his single life to being coupled. I thought we were in a loving truthful relationship since then. But I have recently found out he has been texting 2 women. I feel it’s disrespectful, and my lack of trust from the previous lying has come back. He also follows Twitter pages with sexually explicit content. I’m a very trusting and open-minded person but I feel this relationship has made me insecure and untrusting particularly because we are long distance.
- Blind or Blindsided: Last night my bf of 3 years came home from work and said we needed to talk and that this wasn’t working and he didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t see this coming at all. We recently opened a business together. We regularly have sex, said I love you, planned for the future, and last week got back from a holiday together. He said he hasn’t felt a connection for some time due to my negativity and that he said he wanted kids (I’m 41 and have had ovarian failure. We’ve gone through a round of IVF together). How was he able to completely blindside me without me realising anything was up – he has gone to a new place to live so he’s clearly had time to plan this without my picking up on it.
LINKS
- If you want me to answer your question just email me at info@dyfmpod.com
- Join the DYFM Facebook Group https://bit.ly/dyfm-group .
- Follow @dyfmpodcast on IG
- Follow @alexispredez on IG
- Follow @listnrentertainment on IG
CREDITS
Host: Alexis Fernandez
Executive Producer & Editor: Elise Cooper
Digital Producer: Zoe Panaretos
DYFM Social Producer: Shania Magua
Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh
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