DeepSummary
In this episode of the Raising Good Humans podcast, Dr. Aliza Pressman and her guest Claire Lerner discuss the challenges of navigating separation and divorce with young children. They share their personal experiences and provide guidance on how to have conversations about separation and divorce with children of different ages, focusing on being honest, validating their feelings, and avoiding triangulation or putting children in the middle of parental conflicts.
They emphasize the importance of managing one's own emotions, setting clear boundaries, and maintaining a co-parenting relationship that prioritizes the child's well-being. They advise against minimizing the child's feelings or overwhelming them with too much information, and instead, suggest acknowledging their confusion and responding to their specific questions and concerns.
The conversation also touches on the potential long-term impact of parental behavior during a divorce, and how being mindful and intentional in their approach can help children process the experience more healthily and create a positive narrative around it.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Be honest and age-appropriate when discussing separation and divorce with children, but avoid overwhelming them with too much information.
- Validate and acknowledge children's feelings without judgment or attempts to minimize or dismiss them.
- Manage your own emotions and take breaks if needed when having difficult conversations with children.
- Avoid triangulation or putting children in the middle of parental conflicts.
- Maintain healthy co-parenting dynamics and prioritize the child's well-being.
- Allow children to process the experience at their own pace and be a trusted resource as they make sense of it over time.
- Encourage children to voice their concerns and questions, and respond with reassurance and validation.
- Be mindful of the long-term impact of your actions and strive to create a positive narrative around the experience for your children.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “I know that the words that came out of my mouth are very thoughtful and mindful because I've had years to think about this and work with families on it and work on it myself. So what I would say to parents in the thick of this is that when kids bring this really charged, triggering stuff up, you do not have to answer right away. It's often not helpful because you're likely to go down a path that you may regret.“ by Claire Lerner
- “The greatest gift you give to them is just to be present, to accept their feelings, to not minimize them, to make them go away, to talk them out of their feelings, but just to acknowledge and validate and make them feel that you are somebody who can help them look at these feelings without judgment, without you getting overly wrought, because that may happen.“ by Claire Lerner
- “The other thing I was thinking is that really when kids are asking questions, they're really looking for sort of reassurance, I would think, from like a feelings perspective. So it's also helpful to say, I know you're concerned about how mommy and daddy might be once we're not together.“ by Claire Lerner
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Episode Information
Raising Good Humans
MD. Vessel
5/28/21