DeepSummary
In this episode, comedian Aparna Nancherla discusses her experiences with impostor syndrome and the writing of her book 'Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself, and Impostor Syndrome.' She explains how the term 'impostor syndrome' has become mainstream but often gets misused or diluted from its original clinical definition. Aparna also talks about how impostor syndrome has manifested in her life, not just professionally but also in relation to her body image and mental health struggles.
Aparna shares some of the coping mechanisms she uses, like making up words in conversations to see if people call her out, or creating a 'failure resume' listing all her rejections and setbacks. She emphasizes the importance of talking about impostor syndrome with others and not internalizing those feelings of being a fraud. While writing the book didn't 'fix' her impostor syndrome, it helped her understand it as just one part of herself rather than her entire identity.
The episode covers other topics like dealing with depression and anxiety, learning to accept compliments, and the ways Aparna has forged her own path in comedy outside of traditional stand-up clubs. Ultimately, she stresses that impostor feelings are common but don't have to define us, and shares advice for reframing negative self-talk.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Impostor syndrome is a persistent feeling of being a fraud or undeserving of success, stemming from self-doubt rather than external reality.
- Even extremely accomplished people can suffer from intense impostor feelings across different areas of their lives.
- Strategies like creating a 'failure resume,' making up words, and opening up to others can help reframe impostor thoughts.
- Talking about and embracing one's failures can be an important first step in not letting impostor syndrome dominate.
- Separating impostor feelings from your core identity is key - they are just one part of you, not the entirety of who you are.
- Impostor syndrome requires an ongoing process of self-work, but increased self-awareness can keep it from overshadowing your accomplishments.
- Setting goals based on effort rather than outcomes can be an antidote to tying self-worth to external validation.
- Self-compassion and recognizing negative self-talk as distorted thinking are vital for not internalizing impostor feelings.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “So, impostor syndrome, as I learned in writing the book, the technical definition is the feeling that you are just fraud or just undeserving of any success or things you've accomplished, and it's all due to kind of luck or chance and not any skill you possess. And kind of this just persistent feeling that you're going to be found out by your peers or those around you for not having the capability that they think you do.“ by Aparna Nancherla
- “I realized for me, certain comedy show environments, like certain types of clubs and stuff, they just made me feel bad more than good. I think you have to, at some point, just be able to take those risks and be okay with knowing that it might, in the short term or maybe even in the foreseeable future, not necessarily be assured, great decision or the right decision, but know that it kind of fits what your intuition is telling you.“ by Aparna Nancherla
- “I wouldn't say it's gone or fixed, but I do think I've just come to understand it more as a part of myself rather than all of myself. And kind of it has its own role of what it wants to play in terms of, I think maybe keeping me small or trying to make sure I stack up with everyone else is a very human desire to just fit in and know what everyone else is doing.“ by Aparna Nancherla
- “So I think the more you can get out of your head and talk to other people and realize that a lot of people are either experiencing the same feelings or don't feel that way about you, it can be really helpful, like reminders or just reframing of your own perspective.“ by Aparna Nancherla
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Episode Information
Design Matters with Debbie Millman
Design Matters Media
3/22/24
Impostor syndrome is one of many therapy-speak words that have gone mainstream in the past few years — but what is it, really? Aparna Nancherla knows all about it. Aparna is a comedian and the author of "Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself, and Impostor Syndrome.” Despite her success as a performer, she isn’t immune to self-doubt. In this episode from another TED Audio Collective podcast, How to Be a Better Human, Aparna talks about the ways she’s learned to deal with impostor syndrome: like creating a resume listing all her failures, or making up words at parties to gauge other people’s reactions. She also shares how she learned to put less stock in success and what to do when your mind isn’t telling you the truth. Find more How to Be a Better Human wherever you get your podcasts.