DeepSummary
The episode features a conversation with Logan Ury, a behavioral expert and dating coach, who discusses her approach to finding a compatible partner. She advises against having a rigid checklist of desired traits, which she calls 'relationship shopping', and suggests instead to 'date like a scientist' by being open to different types of partners. Ury recommends using her 'Post Date 8' questions to evaluate how a potential partner makes you feel and brings out different sides of your personality.
Ury explains that factors like looks, money, and similar personalities/hobbies are often overemphasized when seeking a partner. She argues that these superficial qualities matter less for long-term relationship success than finding someone who complements you and allows you to be your best self. Ury's philosophy centers on finding a partner who provides sexual attraction, intellectual stimulation, and helps you both grow in your respective pursuits.
The conversation covers additional insights from relationship science, such as the tendency to adapt to one's circumstances over time, and the importance of focusing on the experience and emotional connection with a potential partner rather than just evaluating them based on a checklist of desired traits.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Avoid having a rigid checklist of desired traits when seeking a long-term partner.
- Adopt an open and experimental 'dating like a scientist' mindset instead of rigid expectations.
- Focus on emotional experience, compatibility, and how a partner allows you to be your best self.
- Use the 'Post Date 8' questions to evaluate potential partners holistically beyond superficial qualities.
- Prioritize finding someone who provides sexual attraction, intellectual stimulation, and helps you grow.
- Factors like looks, money, similar personalities/hobbies often matter less than emotional connection.
- The goal is a complementary partnership that brings out the best in each other.
- Be open to different types of partners rather than restricting your dating pool.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “And so the truth is you think you know what you want, but you're wrong.“ by Logan Ury
- “I wouldn't optimize for the hottest person.“ by Logan Ury
- “And so I have this list of questions called the post date eight. And there are eight questions to ask yourself after a date. The point of the post date eight is that when you go on a date with a checklist in your head, you're evaluating the person as if you're on a job interview. Are they good looking enough for me? Are they ambitious enough for me? Are they funny enough for me? You're evaluating instead with the post date eight, it's actually training you to tune into your experience.“ by Logan Ury
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Episode Information
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
DOAC
3/29/24
In this moment, behavioural expert and dating coach, Logan Ury discusses the 3 fundamental things to look for in a partner. Too often people have a rigid list of exact traits that they want in their future partner in relationship science this is called, ‘relationship shopping’. This is the idea of shopping for your partner like you would do with any product online. However, more often than not, people end up in a long term relationship with someone who has none of these traits. The reason for this is that while people may think they know what they want, they are wrong. Instead, Logan says you need to date like a scientist, experimenting and constantly changing your hypothesis of what you want in a partner. This can be achieved by using Logan’s 8 questions to ask yourself after a date, the focus of this is examining who are you around that person, and what side of you do they bring out, as this is who you will be for the rest of the relationship.
Listen to the full episode here
Apple - https://g2ul0.app.link/sXZ3OZpToHb
Spotify - https://g2ul0.app.link/nAu4hnmToHb
Watch the Episodes On Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/%20TheDiaryOfACEO/videos
Logan:
https://www.instagram.com/loganury/?hl=en
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