Advice to My Younger Self | SELF: How to Feel Less Alone on DeepCast

Topics

DeepSummary

In this episode, Carolyn Kilstra discusses grief, loneliness, and ways to cope after losing a loved one. She interviews Deanne Overfold, a listener who lost her husband of 30 years to leukemia and is struggling with loneliness. Dr. Katherine Scheer, an expert on grief, explains the difference between grief and depression, and emphasizes the importance of maintaining connections and finding new ways to experience pleasure.

Nora McInerny, a writer who has experienced profound loss, shares her insights on navigating relationships during grief. She discusses the challenges of maintaining friendships, the unhelpful notion of "moving on," and the value of connecting with others who understand grief. McInerny encourages being honest about one's needs and emphasizes the importance of supportive communities.

Throughout the episode, the guests offer practical advice for coping with loneliness after loss, such as engaging in new hobbies or activities, seeking counseling or support groups, and fortifying existing relationships. They acknowledge the difficulty of the process but stress the importance of finding ways to incorporate grief into one's life while still experiencing joy and connection.

Key Episodes Takeaways

Grief is a natural reaction to loss that evolves over time but does not fully resolve; it requires adaptation to a changed world.
Loneliness is a particularly persistent and difficult aspect of grief, but maintaining connections and finding new sources of pleasure can help.
Open and honest communication about one's needs during grief is crucial for maintaining supportive relationships.
Joining a support group or community of others who understand grief can provide validation and comfort.
The notion of "moving on" from grief can be unhelpful; instead, one must find ways to move forward while incorporating grief into one's life.
Engaging in new hobbies, creative pursuits, or rediscovering old interests can help process grief and find meaning.
Seeking counseling or professional support can provide guidance and strategies for coping with complicated or prolonged grief.
Grief is a highly personal experience, and others' assumptions about mourning may not match one's own needs.

Top Episodes Quotes

“I fired up the group chat. I sent a text message, and I said, I know you love me. I know you love me. It's Erin's 6th death anniversary. I didn't hear from any of you, and it hurts me to not hear from you. So here is what I need. I need you right now to open up your calendar, set a reminder, not just for November 25, but also for, you know, the week before.“ by Nora McInerney
― This quote exemplifies Nora McInerny's practical advice for communicating one's needs to loved ones during times of grief, underscoring the importance of open and honest communication.
“I will say that loneliness, of all the things that people feel, I think it's in a way one of the last to kind of recede. It's one of the hardest to deal with.“ by Katherine Scheer
― This quote from Dr. Katherine Scheer highlights the particular challenge of loneliness in the grieving process, underscoring its persistence and difficulty.

Chapter Details

Chapter 1: Defining Grief and Loneliness

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The chapter defines grief and loneliness, highlighting their intertwined nature. It introduces Dr. Katherine Shear, a grief expert, who explains the difference between grief and depression. The chapter also touches on the long-lasting nature of loneliness after losing a loved one.

Grief is a natural reaction to a meaningful loss, involving physical, emotional, and spiritual responses.
Loneliness is one of the most difficult aspects of grief and tends to linger even as other aspects of grief subside.

1. “I will say that loneliness, of all the things that people feel, I think it's in a way one of the last to kind of recede. It's one of the hardest to deal with.“ by Katherine Sheer

― This quote highlights the persistent and challenging nature of loneliness after a loss.

Chapter 2: Navigating Relationships and Loneliness

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This chapter explores the challenges of maintaining relationships and dealing with loneliness after a significant loss. It features insights from Nora McInerny, a writer who experienced the loss of her husband and navigated the complexities of grief and loneliness.

Chapter 3: Finding Connection and Support

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This chapter explores ways to find connection and support while grieving and dealing with loneliness. It discusses the importance of open communication with loved ones, as well as the value of connecting with others who have experienced similar losses through support groups and communities.

Entities

Person

Carolyn Kilstra//Katherine Scheer//Deanne Overfold//Nora McInerny

Company

Selph

Organization

Center for Complicated Grief//Hot Young Widows Club

Book

Terrible, Thanks for Asking

Product

Checking In

Episode Information

Podcast Title

Advice to My Younger Self | SELF

Host

SELF & Condé Nast

Publish Date

12/21/20

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