DeepSummary
Dan Harris interviews Myisha Battle, a certified sex and dating coach, about myths and misunderstandings surrounding romantic relationships. They discuss the problems with the "you complete me" model, where people expect to find wholeness through a romantic partner rather than within themselves. Battle offers five recommendations for improving intimacy and connection: fostering non-sexual intimacy, scheduling sex for anticipation, having regular relationship meetings, going on dates, and remaining curious about your partner.
They explore the orgasm gap, where men tend to have orgasms more frequently than women due to a lack of understanding about female anatomy and pleasure. Battle argues for open communication during sex and advocates using tools like her 3D-printed clitoris model for education. They also discuss the myth of finding "the one" and how having romantic feelings for friends can enrich our lives.
For those dating, Battle advises putting your true self and values into dating profiles, embracing dating as a journey of self-discovery rather than searching for the perfect partner, and cultivating a "dating zen" mindset by holding the desires for partnership while releasing expectations.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- The "you complete me" model of romantic relationships is problematic and puts unfair pressure on finding the "perfect" partner.
- Building intimacy requires fostering non-sexual intimacy, scheduling sex, having relationship meetings, going on dates, and remaining curious about your partner.
- There is an "orgasm gap" where women have fewer orgasms than men, often due to lack of education about female anatomy and pleasure.
- The notion of finding "the one" is a myth - embrace dating as a journey of self-discovery rather than searching for the perfect partner.
- Cultivate a "dating zen" mindset by holding a desire for partnership while releasing rigid expectations or checklists.
- Open communication about sex and using educational resources can help address intimacy issues.
- Make space for different types of connections - romantic feelings do not have to mean sexual attraction.
- Each person you date is part of your growth journey, even if the relationship does not last.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “It's assuming that people are not whole until they find romantic partnership. And I think this is a huge pitfall in our society, because not only does it put a ton of pressure on individuals to find the absolute perfect, complementary person, it also assumes that's what we want.“ by Myisha Battle
- “The orgasm gap is it's been floating around for a while now, but it's a phenomenon that I think a lot of straight women have felt, but now has a more researched grounding. And the experience is that fewer women have orgasms than their male partners.“ by Myisha Battle
- “By narrowing our perspective of who that person is, who are we to know? Like, I really believe there's so much more to connection than a lot of these qualities that people put forward.“ by Myisha Battle
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Episode Information
Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris
Ten Percent Happier
4/10/24
How our false expectations and misunderstandings about relationships can create an incalculable amount of suffering — and the many problems of the "You complete me" model.
Description:
This episode was part one of our four-part series where we’re counter-programming against the way Valentine’s Day is often celebrated, and examining different kinds of relationships including romantic, friendship, and family.
Today’s guest hews a bit more closely to the traditional Valentine’s Day theme and will do some myth-busting around all the things we tend to get wrong when we talk about romantic relationships.
Myisha Battle is the author of the book, “This Is Supposed to Be Fun: How To Find Joy in Hooking Up, Settling Down, and Everything in Between.” She also hosts the podcast How’s Your Sex Life? Much of her public work focuses on the early stages of relationships, but in her private practice, she counsels people at all stages, and in all kinds of relationships.
Content Warning: Explicit language and conversations about sex.
In this episode we talk about:
- Five ways to improve intimacy and connection in romantic partnership
- The nuts and bolts of sex, and how we often get intimacy and sex confused in unhelpful ways
- Understanding men’s and women’s cycles to depersonalize issues in sex and relationships
- The myth of finding “the one”
- The orgasm gap
- Bromance
- And if you’re looking, tips on how to make finding a partner easier
Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/myisha-battle-archive
Where to find Myisha Battle online:
Website: www.myishabattle.com/
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