DeepSummary
The episode begins with a discussion about "mom rage" - intense feelings of anger that parents, especially mothers, experience due to unmet needs and the constant demands of caregiving. Dr. Becky Kennedy explains that rage often stems from a lack of anger management skills and suppressing anger from an early age, when girls are taught that expressing anger leads to disconnection and rejection.
Dr. Becky suggests that rage is the body's way of signaling that a person's needs are not being met, and encourages listeners to get curious about the story behind their rage moments instead of beating themselves up with shame. She recommends carving out time for self-care activities, even if they feel unsure of what to do at first, as a way to meet their own needs.
The conversation also touches on how societal attitudes toward anger can vary based on race and gender, with anger from women of color often being perceived as more threatening. Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of creating spaces where people can express their anger freely without fear of negative consequences.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Mom rage is a common experience stemming from unmet needs, lack of anger management skills, and the relentless demands of parenthood.
- Rather than shaming ourselves for rage moments, we should get curious about the deeper story and needs behind the rage.
- Carving out time for self-care, even in small ways, can help meet our needs and prevent rage build-up.
- The ability to set boundaries and not take responsibility for others' emotions can reduce mom rage.
- Societal attitudes and fear of consequences may make it harder for some parents, especially mothers of color, to openly express anger.
- While harsh punishments may not be ideal, finding a middle ground where parents can remove themselves from confrontational situations in a calm way is advisable.
- Anger is a natural human emotion that signals our needs - learning to manage it healthily is important.
- Having compassion for ourselves as imperfect humans doing our best can aid in rage recovery.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “I think every parent who loves their kid has been there.“ by Dr. Becky Kennedy
- “I think the moms who don't struggle with this as much, we all get there, I think, would say, yeah, I actually do feel decent about setting boundaries. I do feel okay holding those boundaries. Even when people are upset.“ by Dr. Becky Kennedy
- “I screamed, where I look back and I'm like, I think in a way, I was looking for my kid to validate me. Oh, you're having a hard time, too.“ by Dr. Becky Kennedy
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Episode Information
We Can Do Hard Things
Glennon Doyle and Audacy
1/23/24
Dr. Becky Kennedy is back to discuss something rarely talked about: “mom rage” – and the crucial connection between anger and our unmet needs.
- What leads to these explosive moments – and why it's more common than we might think;
- How understanding the story behind the rage moment can help us figure out what led to it and what we need.
- The impact of society's shaming of anger in women; and
- Tips for managing our anger, recognizing our needs, and taking care of ourselves.
About Dr. Becky:
Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and mom of three – who’s rethinking the way we raise our children – and named “The Millennial Parenting Whisperer” by TIME Magazine. Dr. Becky is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be and founder of the Good Inside Membership platform, a hub with Dr. Becky’s complete parenting content collection all in one place. Dr. Becky hosts Good Inside with Dr Becky, a chart-topping podcast with over 20M downloads. In 2023, Dr. Becky delivered a TED Talk in which she shares “the single most important parenting strategy”.
TW: @goodinside
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