DeepSummary
Gary Barker, a gender equity advocate, shares his personal experiences that drove him to work on issues of violence and how it relates to traditional concepts of masculinity. He explains that research shows about two-thirds of men experienced physical violence from other males during childhood, learning that violence is a way to assert manhood. Barker's organization, Promundo, measures adherence to harmful masculine norms like having to outperform others, being unable to show vulnerability, viewing sex as conquest, always being tough, and using violence to get what one wants. He notes that the more men believe in these norms, the more likely they are to harm themselves and others.
Barker acknowledges that women are already aware of these issues and doesn't want to "mansplain." Instead, he wants to get men talking about how embracing traditional masculine norms negatively impacts their lives, including dying earlier on average than women. He calls for teaching boys from a young age about caring and compassion, which humans are neurologically wired for but often suppress in pursuit of harmful masculine ideals.
While holding men accountable for harmful acts, Barker argues for also extending compassion and opportunities for men to reconnect with their humanity. He sees this as complementary to the ongoing fight for women's equality. Ultimately, he urges reaching out to boys and teaching them that being caring and emotionally open is a strength, not a weakness.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Traditional masculine norms like suppressing emotions, acting tough, and using violence are learned behaviors that harm men and others.
- The more men adhere to these harmful masculine norms, the more likely they are to commit violence against themselves and others.
- Men die earlier on average than women in part due to adopting risky and unhealthy behaviors associated with traditional masculine ideals.
- Boys should be taught from a young age to embrace their natural human capacities for caring, nurturing, and emotional openness.
- Fostering healthier models of masculinity centered on compassion complements, rather than replaces, the continued pursuit of equality for women and girls.
- Holding men accountable for harm while also providing outlets for them to connect with their humanity is needed to break cycles of violence.
- Online communities are filling a void by providing opposing voices on masculinity, some healthy but many promoting misogyny and anger.
- The effects of harmful masculine norms are even more acute for young men of color facing systemic racism and barriers.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “The more you believe in these norms, these ideas about manhood, you are multiple times more likely to do this, to have considered suicide, to use violence against others, to harm yourself and to harm others in multiple ways.“ by Gary Barker
- “I am a developmental psychologist and I should know a little bit more than having a twelve year old think about his own mortality, trying to get some help for that myself.“ by Gary Barker
- “Look at the face of any three year old boy on the planet. He was not born into the world to be angry, aggressive, to follow dark threads down the Internet. He comes into the world ready to be loved and to learn how to love.“ by Gary Barker
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Episode Information
TED Talks Daily
TED
1/30/24
Urging us to turn away from voices perpetuating harmful stereotypes, gender equality advocate Gary Barker shares three insights on fostering a culture of care, compassion and connection among men. "We are the most wired-to-care species on the planet," he says. "But if you don't use it ... you don't get good at it."