DeepSummary
The podcast episode features an interview with Danielle Bayard Jackson, a relational health educator who discusses the challenges of making and maintaining meaningful friendships after becoming a mother. She explains the three main reasons why friendships become difficult after motherhood: lack of time, lack of practice, and lack of support. Danielle emphasizes the importance of prioritizing connection over the pursuit of friendships, as even small daily interactions can lead to the cultivation of deeper bonds.
Danielle addresses the common issue of feeling disconnected from old friends after having children and offers suggestions for reviving those relationships, such as openly communicating the desire for more regular catch-ups. She also provides advice on making new friends in this stage of life, encouraging mothers to socialize their interests and participate in community activities where they can organically meet like-minded individuals.
Throughout the conversation, Danielle highlights the significance of quality platonic relationships for overall happiness and well-being, particularly the emotional and mental health benefits of strong female connections. She encourages listeners to prioritize connections that make them feel seen and understood, and to be mindful of the temporary nature of the friendship challenges faced during motherhood.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Maintaining and making meaningful friendships becomes challenging after becoming a mother due to lack of time, lack of practice, and lack of support.
- Prioritizing connection, even through small daily interactions, is more important than the pursuit of labeled 'friendships' and can lead to cultivating deeper bonds.
- Open communication and effort are necessary to revive old friendships that may have faded after having children.
- Participating in community activities or socializing personal interests can organically foster new connections and friendships.
- Quality platonic relationships, particularly strong female connections, are crucial for overall happiness, mental health, and well-being.
- Lack of reciprocity in effort and investment is a common concern in women's friendships.
- The challenges of maintaining friendships in motherhood are temporary, and connections tend to improve after the thirties.
- Being mindful of the quality of connections and prioritizing relationships that make one feel seen and understood is important.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “Yeah. So it's a couple things, but one thing I'll say for the person who's struggling to find new friends in this season is I focus on friendship. But. So it might sound strange to hear me say this, but I always say, try to find ways that you can prioritize connection over friendship, because one mindset I have heard from a lot of women is you're carrying around this big, lofty goal day to day, of, I need new friends. I need new friends. And that can put a lot of pressure. Maybe you don't realize, and you might be overlooking these small moments of connection with others and in terms of, like, your. Your relational health and social health, if you just have one meaningful social interaction per day, if you can find a way to position yourself for that. I strongly believe that cultivating friendships would be a natural byproduct of that.“ by Danielle Bayard Jackson
- “Yeah. So you know, I always like starting with the research so people don't think I'm just being fluffy, and I'm like, you need your girls. You know what you do. But it's like, okay, enough of that advice. But, you know, the research keeps pointing to how important it is. So the first thing I like to anchor these conversations with is the longest running study on happiness has been conducted by Harvard, and they have found that of all these other factors, the number one thing that determines how happy you are and how physically healthy you are is quality relationships. The number one thing?“ by Danielle Bayard Jackson
- “I think my final message of encouragement would just be that this is temporary, that this feeling behind and overextended and disconnected is temporary. The research tells us that a friendship dip already occurs in your thirties, where things kind of go down, the connection, the socialization, and then it goes back up.“ by Danielle Bayard Jackson
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Episode Information
The PedsDocTalk Podcast
Dr. Mona Amin
4/17/24
Have you felt yourself drift from your friends pre-motherhood? Or have you found making new and meaningful friendships hard after becoming a mom? I welcome Danielle Bayard Jackson, a relational health educator who has made a career out of studying what the research has to say about creating quality platonic relationships. She also has a new book coming out called, Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships.
She joins me to discuss:
- The three reasons why friendships after motherhood are so hard to make and maintain
- Why having meaningful and strong female connections is important for our mental health
- How to handle “passive” friendships
- Practical ways to find meaningful connections with peers amidst the mental load and business of our lives
Connect with Danielle on Instagram @daniellebayardjackson. Check out her book!
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