DeepSummary
In this episode, Esther Perel counsels a woman who lost her husband of 25 years to suicide five years ago. The woman shares her struggle with blaming herself and wondering what she missed or normalized in their relationship that could have prevented such a devastating experience. Esther helps her realize that in caring for her husband's depression and anxiety, she lost connection with herself and her own needs.
Through guided visualization, Esther brings the woman back to happy memories with her husband, like the special whistle they used to find each other in stores. This helps the woman reconnect with the playful, loving part of their relationship she misses, represented by the nickname 'Moose.' Esther explains that Moose is the part of herself the woman needs to take forward into new relationships.
By the end, the woman realizes she didn't miss signs, but rather lost herself by completely focusing on her husband's struggles. She vows not to subsume her identity for anyone again and feels ready to experience love, with Moose by her side.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Losing a spouse to suicide can be an immensely traumatic experience that leaves the survivor questioning what they missed or could have done differently.
- In caring for a partner struggling with mental health issues like depression and anxiety, it's possible to lose connection with oneself and subsume one's own needs and identity.
- Positive memories and the playful, loving aspects of a relationship should be held onto, as they can provide strength and guidance when considering future relationships after loss.
- Moving forward after devastating loss requires honestly examining one's role and choices in the relationship, without undue self-blame.
- Maintaining a strong sense of self and personal identity is crucial in romantic partnerships to avoid co-dependence or self-erasure when supporting a struggling partner.
- Esther's counseling approach blends emotional empathy with gently guiding realizations, helping people reframe their perspectives on past relationships to move forward with more self-awareness.
- Finding humorous or lighthearted memories can be a powerful way to reconnect with the positive essence of one's personality after trauma.
- Vowing not to lose oneself again for the sake of a partner demonstrates personal growth and determination to shape one's future relationships in a healthier way.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “What I'm going to find. I want to be playful. I want Moose with me. I want know that body of yours that instantly like Moose. She sits up and she's a force.“ by Esther Perel
- “Won't do that again. Yeah. There's no points for martyrdom. No points for martyrdom who just want to experience love again.“ by You
- “And I thank you very much.“ by Esther Perel
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Episode Information
Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
Esther Perel Global Media
2/12/24
She lost her husband five years ago. Now, she's finally ready to start picking up the pieces of her life to begin dating. Esther talks her through what it might mean to reframe her memories of their relationship. This conversation contains discussions of depression and death by suicide. Please take care listening.
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