DeepSummary
In this podcast episode, relationship expert Logan Ury discusses the importance of understanding attachment theory in relationships. She explains how different attachment styles, like avoidant or anxious attachment, can lead to unhealthy patterns and behaviors that push people away. Ury provides strategies for overcoming these tendencies, such as being more self-aware of triggers and reactions, focusing on positive traits in a partner, and finding a secure partner who can help break negative cycles.
Ury emphasizes that while attachment styles often stem from childhood experiences, they can be changed through conscious effort and self-regulation. She shares personal examples of how finding a secure partner helped her become more secure herself and break out of the anxious-avoidant loop. Ultimately, Ury encourages listeners to embrace vulnerability and authenticity in order to form deeper connections.
The hosts, Steven Bartlett, also shares his own experiences with vulnerability and how it has allowed him to create more meaningful connections, contrary to his initial beliefs that vulnerability would repel people. The discussion highlights the importance of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to work on oneself in order to have fulfilling relationships.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Understanding attachment theory and one's attachment style can provide insight into relationship patterns and struggles.
- Attachment styles often stem from childhood experiences but can be changed through conscious effort and self-regulation.
- Finding a secure partner can help break negative cycles and promote more secure attachment.
- Embracing vulnerability and authenticity, rather than seeking perfection, leads to deeper connections.
- Overcoming the fear of rejection and being one's true self allows for more meaningful relationships.
- Self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to work on oneself are crucial for fulfilling relationships.
- Focusing on positive traits in a partner, rather than fixating on flaws, can help overcome the negativity bias.
- Developing secure attachment and healthy relationship patterns can have positive impacts on other areas of life, such as career success and personal growth.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “You, for anyone listening who's feeling really stuck, going deep on attachment theory is one of the number one things that you can do to really understand yourself, understand your past patterns, understand who you've been attracted to and why it isn't working.“ by Logan Ury
- “The research shows that when people work on it, about 25% of people are able to change their attachment style. And so what that might look like is somebody understanding, this is my trigger, and when a trigger happens, I'm going to do something else.“ by Logan Ury
- “So dating this secure person made me so much more secure where I broke out of the anxious avoidant loop. I got over the silly burning man guy, and I understood what a secure relationship was like, and I feel so lucky to be in this secure marriage.“ by Logan Ury
- “And I think that younger people, but really, a lot of people have this idea that if you really knew me, you would reject me. And the truth is, if you really knew me, you would feel closer to me and we would have a deeper connection.“ by Logan Ury
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Episode Information
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett
DOAC
2/23/24
In this moment, relationship expert and behavioural scientist, Logan Ury discusses what she thinks is the most important part out of all of relationship science: attachment styles. Logan says these styles help you to understand yourself, your previous dating patterns, and who you are attracted to. Our attachment style also explains we are triggered to push people away, as our brains create negative thoughts and look for flaws in a person as an unconscious way of protecting us from getting hurt. However, Logan says that it is possible for 25% of us to change our attachment style. She says this can be done in 2 parts: firstly by understanding your style of attachment, and secondly, by understanding your unconscious triggers you can override them in order to get out of your own way in finding love.
Listen to the full episode here
Apple - https://g2ul0.app.link/sXZ3OZpToHb
Spotify - https://g2ul0.app.link/nAu4hnmToHb
Watch the Episodes On Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/%20TheDiaryOfACEO/videos
Logan:
https://www.instagram.com/loganury/?hl=en
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