DeepSummary
In this episode, host Gemma Spake is joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Meg Jay, author of 'The Defining Decade,' to discuss the frustrations, stressors, and misconceptions of being in one's twenties. They talk about the uncertainties and difficulties of this decade, such as feeling behind in life milestones, catastrophizing thoughts, and the pressure to have everything figured out.
Dr. Jay explains that the brain interprets uncertainty as danger, leading to anxiety and stress during this period of major life transitions. She emphasizes the importance of shifting from a 'what if' mindset to a 'what is' or 'what else' mindset, focusing on facts and flexibility rather than fears. They also discuss the concept of 'sliding vs. deciding' in relationships and careers, and the tendency to delay decisions in an attempt to keep options open.
Throughout the conversation, Dr. Jay reassures that life generally gets better after the twenties, and advises listeners to let go of the expectation that these years will be the best of their lives. She encourages embracing the uncertainty and challenges as opportunities for personal growth and thoughtful decision-making.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- The uncertainties and challenges of being in one's twenties should not be seen as personal failures, but rather as normal developmental struggles.
- It's important to shift from a 'what if' mindset focused on fears to a 'what is' or 'what else' mindset focused on facts and flexibility.
- Life generally improves after the twenties, so these years should not be viewed as the 'best years' of one's life.
- Major life milestones, such as finding a partner, getting a job, and buying a home, are often delayed until the late twenties or thirties, and comparing oneself to others or societal expectations can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety.
- Intentional decision-making and periodic reassessment of choices, rather than sliding into situations or delaying decisions, can lead to greater personal growth and satisfaction.
- Embracing the uncertainty and challenges of the twenties as opportunities for growth and thoughtful decision-making can lead to a more fulfilling life.
- It's important to let go of the expectation that everything should be figured out by the age of 30, as defining moments often happen gradually and extend beyond that age.
- Seeking guidance from professionals or resources that provide accurate information and perspectives on the developmental challenges of the twenties can be valuable.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “Yeah, well, I'll geek out briefly on brain stuff. But the brain interprets uncertainty as danger. And if you think about this evolutionarily, this makes sense. Like, if you don't know what's around the corner, you're going to assume it's a bear, not it's a little bunny rabbit, and things are fine.“ by Meg Jay
- “I feel like the biggest expectation that people need to let go of is that their 20s are going to be the best years of their lives.“ by Meg Jay
- “I was sort of discovering this along with a lot of research about all the amazing developmental things that are happening in our 20s. There's more change between 20 and 30 than any other decade in adulthood.“ by Meg Jay
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Episode Information
The Psychology of your 20s
iHeartPodcasts
3/22/24
In this episode we are joined by clinical psychologist and author of 'The Defining Decade' to talk about all the frustrations, stressors, misconceptions and hard moments of our 20s and why it's only going to get BETTER from here. We talk about:
- Shifting from a 'what if' to a 'what is' or 'what else' mindset
- Why we fear uncertainity
- Milestone anxiety
- Sliding versus deciding
- Catastrophic thinking
- Insecure and anxious attachment styles vs. insecure and anxious moments
- And so much more
Listen now to hear all of Dr Meg's amazing advice and hear a bit about her new book, coming out next month.
Link to The Defining Decade: https://www.amazon.com.au/Defining-Decade-Meg-Jay/dp/0446561754
Pre-order Meg's new book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Twentysomething-Treatment/Meg-Jay/9781668012291
Follow Jemma here: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast here: @thatpsychologypodcast
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