DeepSummary
The podcast episode discusses the concept of social comparison theory and how comparing ourselves to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness. Jay Shetty explains the difference between upward and downward social comparisons, and how upward comparisons made with envy rather than a mindset of learning can be detrimental to our self-esteem. He shares practical strategies for reducing comparison, such as identifying personal triggers, being mindful of social media usage, and investing in self-improvement.
Jay emphasizes the importance of understanding that we often compare our internal struggles with others' external successes, leading to a distorted self-assessment. He suggests focusing on our own values, goals, and strengths rather than measuring ourselves against others' perceived successes or failures. By seeking deeper connections and understanding the full context of others' lives, we can develop more empathy and shift our focus from external comparisons to internal growth and relational strength.
The episode includes tips on setting mutual goals in a relationship, being conscious of triggers, and investing in personal growth. Jay stresses the importance of making an investment in ourselves and our relationships, as this will naturally lead to improvements in confidence and fulfillment. Overall, the episode provides a thoughtful perspective on the negative impacts of comparison and offers practical advice for cultivating a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Understand the difference between upward and downward social comparisons, and be mindful of the negative impacts of upward comparisons made with envy rather than a learning mindset.
- Identify personal triggers that prompt comparison and develop strategies to manage them, such as limiting social media usage or avoiding certain social situations.
- Focus on understanding your own values and goals, rather than measuring your worth against others' perceived successes or failures.
- Seek deeper connections and understanding of others' lives, recognizing that we often compare our internal struggles with their external appearances.
- Invest in personal growth and self-improvement, as well as nurturing your relationships, as a path to genuine fulfillment and confidence.
- Shift your focus from external comparisons to internal growth and relational strength, cultivating empathy and an authentic life.
- Set mutual goals with your partner and celebrate each other's strengths and achievements, rather than engaging in comparisons that undermine the relationship.
- Be mindful of the impact of comparing your partner or relationship to others, as it can undermine their confidence and self-worth, even if unintentional.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “A research study from over ten years ago, so I can't even imagine how much this has scaled up now, showed that individuals who compare themselves to others are more likely to experience guilt, regret and envy.“ by Jay Shetty
- “One study revealed that 40% of women feel more unhappy about their relationship due to viewing other couples on social media.“ by Jay Shetty
- “Let us sit down and realize what are our values, and let's actually break down and do some thinking about what that person's value is.“ by Jay Shetty
- “You don't want the success of your relationship to be based on the stress of others. You don't want the goodness of your relationship to be based on the poor performance of someone else.“ by Jay Shetty
- “Make an investment in yourself, make an investment in your relationship, and it will automatically look better because it will actually be better.“ by Jay Shetty
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Episode Information
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
6/14/24
Do you compare your relationship to others?
How can you identify and manage your triggers for comparison?
Today, Jay introduces the concept of social comparison theory, explaining the differences between upward - where we compare ourselves to those we perceive as better off, can lead to feelings of inadequacy if done with envy rather than a mindset of learning, and downward comparisons which involves comparing ourselves to those worse off, which can provide a temporary boost in self-esteem but is ultimately unproductive and unkind.
He shares practical strategies for reducing comparison, such as being mindful of social media usage, identifying personal triggers, and investing in self-improvement. Jay also stresses the importance of understanding the deeper, often hidden aspects of people's lives and why we usually compare our internal struggles with others' external successes, leading to a distorted and unfair self-assessment.
In the episode, you'll learn:
How to identify your goals
How to set mutual goals
How to be mindful of your triggers
How to invest in self-improvement
By seeking deeper connections and understanding the full context of others' lives, we can develop more empathy and reduce the impulse to compare and shift our focus from external comparisons to internal growth and relational strength, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
01:28 Comparing Ourselves to Other People
04:32 Social Media Makes Unhealthy Comparison
05:27 The Two Social Comparison Theory
12:53 Everyone Has Different Values
14:26 Focus More on the Good You’re Doing
16:11 Focus on What It Take For You to Get There
17:39 Get to Know People Deeply
19:33 Be Conscious of Your Own Triggers
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