DeepSummary
The episode features psychologist Peter Coleman discussing how minor disagreements can escalate into major conflicts, both on a global scale and in personal lives. Coleman describes case studies where conflicts became intractable, such as a dispute between Israelis and Dutch diplomats at a conference, and tensions on a university campus after a simulated Palestinian attack. He explains how direct contact and understanding between opposing sides can help resolve conflicts, as seen with pro-life and pro-choice activists in Boston after a tragic shooting.
Coleman emphasizes that simple interventions like conversation often fail to resolve deep-rooted conflicts tied to identity and ideology. He shares strategies like leveraging destabilizing events as opportunities for a 'reset', going for walks to discuss differences, and truly listening to understand the other side's perspective rather than trying to change their mind. He also recounts his own experience walking and talking with a pro-Trump neighbor to rebuild their strained relationship.
The key takeaway is that resolving serious conflicts requires patience, empathy and a willingness to connect with the humanity of those we disagree with, rather than just arguing facts and logic. Establishing mutual understanding and common ground is more effective than trying to instantly convince others of our viewpoint.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Minor disagreements can escalate into major, intractable conflicts tied to ideology and identity.
- Direct conversation alone is often insufficient for resolving deep-rooted conflicts.
- Destabilizing events can provide opportunities to 'reset' conflicting relationships.
- Going for walks together can help opposing sides discuss differences from a new perspective.
- Listening to truly understand the other side is more effective than trying to change their mind.
- Establishing mutual understanding and respect for each other's humanity is key to resolving conflicts.
- Patience and willingness to connect are required, rather than just arguing facts and logic.
- Applying these strategies requires overcoming one's own biases and emotional triggers.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “I didn't feel like he was someone that I could try to reason with because he would just sort of hold court, hold forth. And his opinions, to me were just informed very differently from mine. So I didn't see where we could go with this, which is why I felt like, yeah, I think I just need to disengage.“ by Peter Coleman
- “Because their relationships became, I would say, thicker, they became kinder and friendlier and more respectful, that they ultimately came out publicly in 2001 in the Boston Globe. They authored an article called talking with the enemy, where they detailed this experience.“ by Peter Coleman
- “Oftentimes, that has very little positive effect. It is taking the time and again, and we talk about things long enough until we realize what we don't understand. And once you get there, then you start to think, oh, okay, well, then maybe there's something to learn here, right? And then it's not about persuading. It's really about listening and understanding.“ by Peter Coleman
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Episode Information
Hidden Brain
Hidden Brain, Shankar Vedantam
2/12/24
Conflicts are inevitable — both at a global scale and in our personal lives. This week, in the latest in our US 2.0 series, psychologist Peter Coleman explains how minor disagreements turn into major rifts, and how we can defuse even the most salient of disputes in our lives.
Interested in learning more?
For additional ideas about how to keep conflict from spiraling, check out our conversation with researcher Julia Minson. And for a look at how violence shapes political outcomes on a global scale, be sure to listen to our interview with political scientist Erica Chenoweth.