DeepSummary
In this episode, Matt Abrahams interviews clinical psychologist Jenny Tate about managing stress and its impact on communication. Jenny explains the common stress cycle, where people tend to overthink, experience physical stress responses, and engage in avoidant behaviors, compounding the stress. She offers practical tips for resetting the mind, body, and behavior, such as recognizing emotion-driven thoughts, relaxing facial expressions, and taking opposite actions.
Jenny emphasizes the importance of swapping 'why' questions for 'how' questions, as 'why' leads to unproductive rumination, while 'how' facilitates problem-solving and moving forward. She also introduces the 'GIVE' acronym, which stands for being gentle, interested, validating, and easy-mannered, as a way to communicate empathy and improve conversations.
Towards the end, Jenny shares her personal strategies for managing stress, such as reminding herself that emotions come in waves and practicing radical acceptance. She also discusses a communicator she admires, Sharon Salzberg, for her ability to convey profound ideas in simple ways through storytelling.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- Recognize and disrupt negative thought patterns and self-criticism that compound stress.
- Practice resetting techniques for the mind (e.g., reframing thoughts), body (e.g., relaxing facial expressions), and behavior (e.g., taking opposite actions).
- Swap 'why' questions that lead to rumination with 'how' questions that facilitate problem-solving and moving forward.
- Communicate empathy by being gentle, interested, validating, and easy-mannered (the 'GIVE' acronym).
- Remind yourself that emotions come in waves and practice radical acceptance of the present moment.
- Learn from communicators who convey profound ideas in simple, relatable ways through storytelling.
- Recognize the ripple effect of your stress and stress management on others around you.
- Prioritize being present and having an agenda in conversations.
Top Episodes Quotes
- “One of the most frustrating things about being human is we have a knack for taking stress and multiplying it without even realizing it.“ by Jenny Tate
- “If I'm starting to sit down to do my taxes and I'm saying this is terrible, this is a disaster, that is totally emotion mind. And if I can even see that for what it is, it's almost like creating this spam filter rather than taking this noise as letting that become my dictator.“ by Jenny Tate
- “It's crazy. We make ourselves think that we need to be ready to give a TED talk or have a Netflix comedy special when we're connecting with people. But really, all we need to do is embody Mister Rogers a little bit.“ by Jenny Tate
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Episode Information
Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques
Stanford GSB
6/11/24
Stress can get in the way of our communication with others. To manage our stress, psychologist Jenny Taitz says, we first need to adjust the conversations that we have with ourselves.
Taitz is an assistant clinical professor in psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles, and the author of several books, including Stress Resets: How to Soothe Your Body and Mind in Minutes. According to her, much of the stress we experience is self-created through negative thought patterns and harsh self-criticism. “We're doing this to ourselves all the time,” she says. But as we become aware of these unhelpful mental loops, Taitz’ “resets” can help us disrupt them and reframe self-talk in more productive ways
In addition to changing our self-talk, Taitz offers tools for refreshing our communication with others. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, she and host Matt Abrahams explore her G.I.V.E. framework — how being gentle, interested, validating, and easy-mannered equips us for more positive conversations with ourselves and others
Episode Reference Links:
- Jenny Taitz: Website
- Jenny’s Book: Website
- Communicator Jenny admires: Sharon Salzberg
- Ep.69 Feeling Nervous? How Anxiety Can Fuel Better Communication: YouTube / Website
- Ep.122 How to Be More Confident and Calm in Your Communication: Managing the "ABC’s" of...: Youtube
Connect:
- Email Questions & Feedback >>> thinkfast@stanford.edu
- Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website
- Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.io
- Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn Page, Instagram, YouTube
- Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn
- Stanford GSB >>> LinkedIn & Twitter
Chapters:
(00:00:00) Introduction
Host Matt Abrahams introduces guest Jenny Taitz, a clinical psychologist and an assistant clinical professor in psychiatry at UCLA.
(00:00:51) Understanding the Stress Cycle
Explanation of the stress cycle, highlighting common mistakes in stress management.
(00:02:38) Practical Tips for Managing Stress
Advice on resetting the mind, body, and behavior to manage stress more effectively.
(00:05:50) Addressing Overthinking and Rumination
Techniques for reducing overthinking and rumination, and recognizing and redirecting unproductive thought patterns.
(00:08:45) Swapping "Why" for "How"
Benefits of changing one's internal dialogue from "why" to "how" questions, facilitating a more proactive and less stressful mindset.
(00:10:56) Communicating Empathy
Introduction to the GIVE acronym, a method to help improve empathetic communication.
(00:12:58) The Final Three Questions
Jenny shares her personal methods for managing stress, a communicator she admires, and three ingredients for successful communication.
(00:17:33) Conclusion
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