DeepSummary
The episode is a discussion between Forrest Hansen and Dr. Rick Hansen about the 'fawn' response, which is an appeasement strategy to manage stressful situations by giving others what they want. They start by describing common symptoms like people-pleasing, self-abandonment, difficulty saying no, and chronic self-sacrifice. The roots of the fawn response are explored, including its connection to complex PTSD and unstable or unpredictable caregivers in childhood.
They discuss the dynamics of power imbalances, shame, and contempt that can arise with the fawn response. Rick suggests practical tools for developing healthier boundaries, self-acceptance, and a stronger sense of self, such as recognizing differences, making equitable arrangements, and establishing one's own code for being a 'good enough' person.
The discussion covers ways to shift from being overly dependent on others' approval to becoming one's own source of safety and self-worth. Strategies like expressing authentic emotions, releasing anger in manageable doses, and tapping into visceral experiences of personal strength are recommended.
Key Episodes Takeaways
- The 'fawn' response is an appeasement strategy for managing stress by giving others what they want in order to avoid conflict or harm.
- Common symptoms include people-pleasing, self-abandonment, difficulty saying no, weak boundaries, and chronic self-sacrifice.
- The fawn response often arises from childhood experiences with unstable or unpredictable caregivers, and is linked to complex PTSD.
- Power imbalances, shame, and paradoxically even contempt can develop through constantly appeasing others from a 'one-down' position.
- Building self-acceptance, recognizing differences from others, and establishing one's own code for self-worth are key to overcoming excessive fawning.
- Strategies like opening up authentic self-expression, releasing repressed anger, and tapping into visceral experiences of personal strength can help develop a stronger sense of self.
- Making equitable arrangements in relationships and not over-functioning can reset dysfunctional power dynamics.
- The goal is to become one's own source of safety and self-worth, rather than deriving it from others' approval.
Top Episodes Quotes
- βJust right there, you know, bringing your heart to it had a good heart, a warm heart, you had some courage, you brought your heart to it. You were engaged emotionally. Second, you tried, you didn't just give up. You kept going, you made efforts, you persevered. It wasn't perfect. You needed to take some breaks sometimes, but you hung in there and you can have credit for that.β by Rick Hansen
- βThe shadow though, that ive seen. Thats really interesting of that development of shame is also the development of contempt for the ones we are appeasing. The ones we are fawning over. Because overtly we have to act like we think theyre wonderful or theyre bigger and more powerful than we are. But the shadow of that often gets developed. A kind of contempt toward them.β by Rick Hansen
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Episode Information
Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson
Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson
6/17/24